Am I the Only One?
Fulfilling your duty
My mentor, Jack Sherwood, used to call it, “feeling a pinch.” He was referring to that moment when we become aware that we are uncomfortable with something happening around us. If we were to respond to that pinch each and every time we feel it, we might avoid finding ourselves far downstream in a situation we would rather not be in. But we don’t. Other factors are at play that cause us to delay our response or even talk ourselves out of responding altogether. Understanding this process and what we can do to interrupt the dangerous denial of our reality is critical to fulfilling our duty as a board member, CEO or member of the executive team. Is this really a problem? Ask people at Theranos, FTX or Peleton. Hindsight is 20/20 but our vision in the moment, not so good. Let’s dig into what causes our vision problems.
A “pinch” is the result of an event that causes us to be concerned. It could be something about the strategic plan, a decision to let a key executive go, the discovery of accounting irregularities, or an announcement that an acquisition is under consideration. It could also be something more personal in nature; “That person just disagreed with my proposal; are they trying to make me look bad?” In that moment, we face what John Glidwell calls a “choice point.” We can either share our concern or keep our worries to ourselves. If we share our concern, there is the possibility that we could create tension in the conversation or in our relationship with the other party. There is also a chance that others might side against us, making the situation worse. We’ve been through these situations before and they lurk just below our consciousness, causing us to pause before acting. The moment may pass if we choose not to say anything. Then, having bought in silently to what is being proposed, it gets more difficult with time to raise our concerns; “Why didn’t you say something when this first came up?” We eventually find ourselves in what Sherwood calls a “crunch point” – where we either throw down the gauntlet or forever hold our peace.
Boards exist to oversee executive decisions and to offer helpful advice based on their experience. Boards are (or should be) composed so that people with different expertise and perspectives can bring their best thinking to the table, even if they sometimes disagree. The same should hold true for executive teams; members with different functional expertise or business experience should feel free to challenge one another or the boss; the value the team can contribute is severely diminished if all members do is nod their heads in unison.
As board members and members of executive teams, we can easily learn to tolerate pinches. We don’t want to raise every concern that crosses our mind and most of the time, things turn out fine. Why worry? Precisely because we know that there could be a time when if we don’t raise our concerns, things could go terribly wrong. And we would be at fault, because we were the only ones who saw it coming. Or, if we allow someone to walk over us once, they will have established their superiority and our contributions may be discounted from then on as a result. If others then cultivate the favor of that person by taking their side, we may quickly find ourselves powerless.
Ignoring our pinches, even when we know better, happens more often than is healthy. The Solomon Asch conformity experiments demonstrated that about 75% of participants conformed at least once to a majority position that they knew to be wrong, and across all trials, did so about 32% of the time. The reason? The other participants were experimental confederates who unanimously endorsed an obviously wrong answer (participants were shown three lines and asked to pick the two that were the same; the confederates all chose two lines that were clearly of different lengths). Peer pressure to conform is a powerful force; most of us learn to fit in at an early age because we want to feel included. Even as adult professionals, the first question we need to answer when joining a group in which we desire membership is whether we will be accepted by the others in the group. While it’s ok to express a different opinion on occasion, it’s not ok to be a constant pain in the neck. If there is already an established social order of influence in the group when we join, it’s important to earn the right to challenge it before doing so. We don’t want to wind up on the outside looking in.
Personalities differ, so some people don’t fall victim to ignoring their pinches. Not every participant in the Asch experiments conformed. Some people live very independent lives with little concern about what others think of them. Extreme individuals may display sociopathic behaviors. While they may be more likely to speak to the pinches they experience, their behavior may intimidate others, reducing psychological safety and thereby preventing others from disagreeing with their point of view. For non-sociopaths, no matter how brave or accomplished we may be, our choices of behavior are still influenced to some degree by the behaviors of others around us. We are, as Elliot Aronson described, Social Animals.
We can’t undo this part of ourselves and we shouldn’t want to. Being concerned about our impact on others is a good thing. Wanting to be a productive, contributing member of a board or executive team is laudable but we also carry a duty to speak up when we see something that doesn’t sit well with us and an obligation both to ourselves and the team to assert our rights when others try to pressure us to conform or attempt to diminish our standing.
Speaking to a pinch raises the anxiety of the person who feels it and others in the group as well. The fear is that raising an issue will lead to a disruption and possibly a blowup that will be difficult to resolve. That’s why you should expect pushback when you do so; people will try to convince you they didn’t mean what they said or there isn’t really a problem with the proposal. The desire is for things to return to normal so that the tension can be reduced. If things are allowed to return to normal however, the value of your observation will be lost.
The dance of interpersonal relationships affects our work, even on boards and executive teams. Two things will help. First, find the courage to speak to your pinch as soon possible because it will be easier to deal with the consequences then versus later on. Second, discuss the importance of hearing the voices of members of the board or team as an aspirational norm; if we’re all in it together and trying our best, it will be easier to speak up even when it may seem unpopular to do so. Fulfilling your duty depends on it.