Getting a Coach
Should you, and if so, who?
It used to be that getting a coach was a sign that you were in serious trouble. For some, it still is. For many more these days, it’s evidence that you are into improvement, starting with yourself. Should you get a coach and if so, what kind of coach should you be looking for? As you might expect, the answer is, “It depends.”
Let’s start with the worst-case scenario. You’ve been told you need a coach and offered your choice of a few people the company has selected for you. If you’re like most people in this situation, your initial reaction to the news is not positive. You may be shocked or angered but you know you are being sent a signal and it’s one you shouldn’t ignore if you are interested in continuing in the role. On the bright side, the company could have just fired you but instead, they think you’re worth saving. They’re even willing to pay for you to learn something about yourself that you really need to know. In this situation, what type of coach should you choose?
There are broadly three categories of coaches: mentors, life coaches and executive coaches. Here are the strengths and weaknesses of each.
Mentors are experienced business leaders who have been there and done that. They may not be certified as coaches, but they bring a perspective that is grounded in the realities of what it takes to survive in a business environment, something other coaches may lack. You will benefit from their stories and their clear advice on what they would do if they were in your shoes. Mentors tend not to be wishy-washy. They get that they are there to help you make decisions about what to do and will prod you to take action. The downside of mentors is that they may not be a good match for you. Their experience may not correlate with your experience, and their approach may have worked for them but work for you. In some cases, the experience mentors bring may be misleading, because mentors are likely to see things from their own perspective rather than from the perspective of others. Things they thought they did well may have been done or supported by others without whom they may not have succeeded. Since your situation is different, simply following in their footsteps may not lead to good outcomes for you. If your situation is not like theirs, they can speculate on what might work but their stock in trade is their experience, not helping you to diagnose your situation and constructing the best approach for you. Still, mentors can be valuable for another reason; they usually have networks that can provide you with information or assistance in sensitive matters, like finding another job or getting yourself out of a legal jam.
Life coaches are dedicated to helping you sort out challenging life choices. Which job to take, how to improve your relationship with your kids, where to live, how to find greater happiness; these are all topics you might want to address with your life coach. There are no hard and fast boundaries among different flavors of life coaches, so some may help with your diet and fitness while others may cross the line that is supposed to separate coaches, who are trained to ask good questions, from therapists who are clinically trained to assist with mental health challenges. Life coaches are forward-looking, in that they help you think about your options, while therapists help you process past events or patterns to help you heal.
Life coaches mainly address your time outside of work, rather than your challenges on the job. Your general attitude can cross-over to your work, so if you are struggling with your energy levels, you may find taking on significant projects to be difficult, whether it’s leading a major acquisition or updating your kitchen.
Executive coaches help with your success on the job by increasing your self-awareness and self-control. They should not address your mental health, even if it seems crazy to them that you work as hard as you do. They may use personality tests or 360 assessments to gather data to provide a different kind of look in the mirror than you might see on your own. They are not supposed to tell you what to do, as a mentor might, but rather make certain that you are aware of your options as you interface with others in the course of your normal duties. They may observe you in meetings to get a better sense of how you conduct yourself or ask you to role play a difficult interaction so that you can try different strategies on for size. They are there to support you, not evaluate you. Often, they live by a contract with your boss to keep the work they do with you confidential so that it doesn’t affect how your boss sees you. Executive coaches are supposed to be familiar with the politics surrounding life in the C-suite and also understand business well enough to know what you are going through and what’s at stake for the company.
Returning to our worst-case scenario, when you learn that you have been asked to work with a coach, which type of coach should you pick? A mentor would be good if you needed technical advice on some big business decisions. A life coach would be helpful if you think the problem you are dealing with is due to not getting any sleep because you’re up all night with your newborn. An executive coach would be the right choice if you are following the right approach but running into obstacles with your boss, subordinates, customers or co-workers. For any coach to be effective, you have to let them in, meaning that you are willing to share what’s really going on and be open to listening to what they suggest. If you’re not open to working with a coach, it’s better to say so, since the coaching process will be a waste of your time and theirs. I’ve had the experience of being asked to coach people who have no intention of changing their ways and it isn’t pleasant. I get that “pretending” to be coached buys time for a person to find another job, but I don’t appreciate being used for that purpose and can tell pretty quickly what’s really going on.
If, on the other hand, you want to make a real investment in your future success, taking on a coach can be a very good thing. Unless you have actually tried it and given it enough time to work, it’s hard to describe the benefits. Changes can appear suddenly, as when you improve a difficult relationship with your boss or a co-worker. Or, they can be more gradual, as you gain confidence in your ability to hold your own in meetings when elbows are flying.
Some people become overly dependent on their coaches, checking with them before every major decision or going through preparation for each important meeting. There can be value in doing so but good coaches know that they should be helping their clients learn to stand on their own two feet. Other people do a little work, make minor improvements, and then put their coach on a shelf. Ideally, you should work with a coach fairly regularly for between six months and a year before stepping back to assess the value of the relationship and plan your level of engagement going forward. It takes time for your coach to get to know you, gather data through some assessments, and have you experiment with new behaviors long enough to see their worth. I’ve had both intense short coaching assignments and some that started with more frequent discussions and then evolved into touch-bases now and then over many years. Once you have established a good relationship with a coach you find helpful, you don’t want to start over again at the drop of a hat. It’s kind of like your relationship with your family doctor. The doctor knows your medical history and can tell if the symptoms you describe are part of a longstanding pattern or some new condition.
There are certification programs for executive coaches which are good for people with little or no previous coaching experience. Certificate programs provide frameworks and tools as well as inculcating rules good coaches should follow. Certificates are less critical for experienced coaches like those who have survived in the intense heat of the C-Suite environment. If offered a choice between a freshly certified neophyte or someone with references from other C-Suite executives, the choice should be obvious. That said, you have to start somewhere, and people who are relatively fresh out but find their way into the C-Suite have special skills. Chemistry is critically important. If you really don’t care for the grizzled veteran sitting across from you, take a pass.
Choosing the right coach can boost your performance and perhaps save your career. Going through the motions won’t help.